and one hundo i see why
honest
its tough
thats why i hide, i dont even know where to begin, i dont even want to begin explaining to anyone
cause everyone just thinks im dumb and theyre disappointed in me, and its a weird battle between what i am supposed to think/what i think blababalbla uUGHH
im gonna go home really fast and get my notebook and my laptop and some other stuff cause i finally have some time to read and write
omg this is winter break
i wish i could talk about my relationship with sean but its hard when everyone starts to hate you for it. thats largely why i have been so unhappy. i just hang out with sean and hide from the rest of the world because i know everyone else will be judging me.
i just thought i’d let everyone know that i’ve been well. even the nightmares have stopped.
it came to me that there was never anything very special about sean in regards to our relationship. i sat thinking about the things i missed, and they were all very generic: someone to kiss, someone to cuddle, someone to do eat dinner with… bablaba… so replaceable, not a single quality unique to only sean. so really, i haven’t felt very much “heartbreak” just all of a sudden kindof alone. so here i am, new journey y’all! im learning to how to be alone with out being lonely, ~learning how to be lonely without losing my mind (lookin at the moon OOooO).
im happy to be rid of someone who constantly, at times without meaning to, made me feel so bad about myself! i’m free, i’m free, im FREE!
i am lovable, i AM enough
sometimes i have these flashes of things i want to do. like sudden urges.
most of the time its:
no but really im bored and i just moved and sean worked from 9-5 and went to bed at 9. and you know what, i cannot live around that. i need to go ou. NOW. FUCKING. RIGHT. NOW.
